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30 Day Challenge - Day 15

15. A photo of someone you fancy at the moment.

Hmm, I'm definitely not posting a picture of my SO online, so have this instead:

30 Day Challenge - Day 13

13. Three confessions of your choice.

i. I don't fear water. I am in awe of its rawness in the sea and the nature of its destruction when it occurs, but I've never found it in me to actively fear it. Drowning wouldn't be a death that intimidated me (but what do I know of drowning, except in my own mind's vortex), I sometimes think. Mostly though, I conjure this image of me lying at the bottom of the sea-bed, limbs heavy, staring up at the sunlight filtered through the water. I sometimes fall asleep to the thought; sometimes, I even dream of it.

ii. There are days when I can't bring myself to even tolerate the body I'm in, let alone loving each flab-roll and blackhead. I'm getting better at talking myself out of it, reminding myself that it's the substance and not the vessel that counts. But there are days - bombarded by snippets of women griping about their own bodies, chopstick legs on girls that seem to exist only in MVs, the disgustingly prevalent notion of waspish waists and bulbous breasts - when I can't stand being stuck in myself.

iii. When I was a kid, I didn't always understand the way I felt. As an adult, I believe I've found a few answers. There are some questions I've deliberately left out too. Maybe, in time, I will come to the same realization: that, once again, it's me who holds the key. 

30 Day Challenge - Day 12

12. Screenshot your desktop

Basic as it gets. 

30 Day Challenge - Day 11

11. What is your favorite quote?

Currently, this one:

A word after a word after a word is power.
- Margaret Atwood

I'm writing again. I have good days and then I have off days. I hit 'backspace' more than any other key.

And the words still trickle in, when they're not gushing.

Sometimes, I feel ashamed of myself (I should be publishing at this point in my life, I should be spinning out my self-crafted masterpiece in pages by the sheaves, I should be critically acclaimed and universally pondered, I should be so much more than what I am).

But mostly, I just go on.

On days like today, even if it's just a twinge, it's good to feel it. 

30 Day Challenge - Day 10

10. If you could live off of one food and one beverage for the rest of your days, what would they be?

If by 'live off of' as in 'with no consequences', I'mma pick all the fast food. Fried chicken, spicy fries, shawarma, anything that would otherwise ensure my early death via clogged arteries.

For beverages, I pick green tea. A, because I'm not a total pig. B, because I love this stuff and drink it every day anyway.

30 Day Challenge - Day 9

9. Your pet peeves.

- The excuses men come up with when you point out their chauvinism by asking if they would treat their mother/sister that way. ("But that's different." No. No, it's not. Your mother has an X chromosome too.)

- Hot, muggy days in the Middle East, which have you sweating within seconds of leaving your house.

- People taking me for granted.

- The fact that I have a tendency to let myself be taken for granted.

- Needless small talk. So, all small talk.

- When artists depict women wearing high heels in fighting games, superhero comic books, action movies, etc. I was forced to wear them for 3 years, often during the length of 12 hour shifts, at my last job and I can confirm that high heels are the actual devil.

- Raisins. 

30 Day Challenge - Day 8

8. Three things you want to say to different people.

'I'm glad you decided you weren't pretty. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, and I'm glad that you didn't just 'settle' for smart. You decided that you were and will continue to be. You're a flawed concept; that's what I loved and hated about you. You will understand this when you come to where we are now. You are imperfection, you are unwavering, you are unbridled, you are 5'0" tall and crammed with 90 storey high dreams. And one day, you will realize that this is art too.'
- to my sixteen year old self

'Yes, I'm scared. Yes, I want you around.'
- to a man 3,320 km away

'I often wonder where you are and what becomes of you. Sometimes, I'm afraid to, but we always gave out to predicting the end. I hope you're happy. I hope you're complete and yet, I hope that you still have miles to go and plenty of uncharted territory to roam. I hope you're thinking of me and have learned to love me as much as I have learned to love the impression of us at 16, when all we wanted was to grow up'.
- to my future self

30 Day Challenge - Day 7

7. Do you read? What are your favorite books?

Image result for bookworm reaction gifs

(Apologies for the mini-hiatus! The gif does not accurately reflect my Goodreads 'read' list.)

Describing a full list of my favorites could take up a whole new blog altogether so here are five randoms off the top of my head:

The Mill on the Floss by George Eliot
This one wrecked me. Oh, did it wreck me. I had forgotten how much I felt for Maggie Tulliver, not just as a tragic protagonist, but as someone on purely relatable terms, which also brings me to the novel's true strength: that of it as a tragedy. The pathos isn't milked out for dramatical effect, but serves as a foreboding backdrop as well as being a unique source of character development (note to self: write that essay).

Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie
Purple prose done the right way. I'd be lying if I said that this wasn't 'garish' in every sense of literary meaning, but the weird and wonderful thing is that it actually works. It's also very rare that I remember details of at least 90% of the many characters that appear throughout and this is coming from someone who's read all the Harry Potter books.

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
You liked the movie? Do read the source material. You get more Amazing Amy POV.

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
I'd recently acquired an edition that included an eye-opening essay on du Maurier and the duality of her persona split into these two beguilingly disparate protagonists (or deuteragonist/subtle antagonist in Rebecca's case?): the timid, passive, nameless narrator and free-willed, untameable, eponymous Rebecca. It made the reread all the more fascinating and I've come to appreciate the power of a strong female voice, not just in action, but presence.

The Silent Assassin by Margaret Atwood
I can't remember the last time I stayed up all night to finish a book before completing this one. I had a 5:30 morning shift in a hour or two, and I regretted nothing. Like with the last two writers whose work made this list, I enjoy Atwood's narrative voice, though in a different way. I like the fullness of it, even when it trembles with age or bubbles with youth. I like the almost-frailty it presents at times and I like its perseverance despite that all the more. I loved the last line of this book and the culmination of all these elements that wouldn't have worked in less expert hands. It inspired me like nothing had at that particular time and it was enough to get me through the rest of the day.

30 Day Challenge - Day 6

6. What band or musician is most important to you?

This changes depending on my phase in life, but the most consistent so far has been:

She just has something for every one of them. 

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