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My cousin, married to a Brit, and a British citizen herself just posted on Facebook that some moron yelled at her to 'pack her foreign c**t home'.

A few weeks earlier, a friend of mine who's based in the US - a Sri Lankan Muslim, like myself - also posted, describing how she and her husband would give each other these cautionary pep talks before leaving the house for work, reminding themselves to stay calm if they had a slur tossed out at them, stay silent and walk straight ahead if they received a dirty look. And then they would hug, just hug it out, because they couldn't be sure that this wasn't the last time they'd be together like this.

In the meantime, the number of posts from LGBTQA Tumblr, fearing for their lives in the wake of Orlando, keep pouring in. Many are staying in the closet. I've seen one stating they wished they'd never left.

To all of my US and UK f-list: you have all of my love and support. I hate that things are happening which none of you deserve.

Noori Just Doesn't Get It

A prime challenge that comes with being a woman of Indian Subcontinental and Southeast Asian origin is men. Not #AllMen, but if there's one thing that growing up in an overwhelmingly patriarchal society teaches you, it's that suffering comes as second nature if you identify as female. And even if it doesn't, you're going to have it thrust upon you regardless.

Also, as a working woman, I can honestly tell you that I have rarely come across anything more fragile than a man's ego. And whoo, there's plenty to pop in a workplace that's abound with rape jokes.

Oh, I wish I was joking.

As my male colleagues would correct me, there's not so much 'rape' involved, than 'molesting'. Just as blood curdling, I'd say.

And the scariest part is that my male colleagues are what most people would define as 'nice guys' for the most part. They're polite to me, help me out when I need it without expecting anything in return, and seem to be caring, doting fathers, brothers, and sons to women and girls themselves. Am I wrong in thinking how fucked up it is casual misogyny - even in jest - manages to coexist with all of the above?

I guess it's no wonder I have trust issues. And a poor sense of humor apparently.

RIP Anton Yelchin

You were gone way too soon.


Even as far as back in the day, I hated having my photo taken. I hated the feeling of being preyed on, I hated having to plaster a big stupid grin on my face. This is why Tumblr was such a personal revelation in that I didn't owe it to anyone to smile or 'at the very least, look pleasant.'

It's weird how people lump me in with the cute ones anyway. When I look into the camera on my phone, I see no cause for a selfie, no peace in the war waged by a sharp jawline and cheekbones against round, rosy cheeks. And I hate having to remind myself that I love the woman that I am more than the portrait I present. Sometimes, as weak as it sounds, I hate being my only source of affirmation.

I don't crave the flimsy 'you look cutes', but my mind craves recognition for its voracity and my tongue for its ferociousness. I want someone to watch in awe at the way my fangs glint in the dark and the blood that drips from my claws. I want you to know that it is futile to cage a storm.

And then other times, it's calmer and all I feel is the length of thread that binds me to my journey, following it as it winds its way around my deepest fears and anxieties, cris-crossing often, but still leading me to no end in sight.

But it's a quarter of my life unraveled behind me.

Forward I tread, still groping in the dark. 

Oi vey

Oh the bitter, bitter tang of helplessness as one's bank balance shrinks to that certain amount. Seeing my finances take a dip - and due to no cause of my own - is possibly in one of my top five Worsts lists. Alas, my Dad still can't get the hang of the saving thingy and thanks to my cursed sense of filial piety, I am all the more poorer as a result.

On the bright side, pay day is only ten days away. As is the next installment of the loan I took out.

I hate having to complain about money, but as things go, I'm almost ready to throw in the towel.

To take my mind off things, I wrote a bit more of my upcoming Tekken oneshot. I do feel a bit better at this point, though I wish that scenes which flow so smoothly in my imagination would do so as seamlessly when translating to the limitations of words. I've been trying to complete this particular pub scene where my protag is struggling to retain a sense of his old extroverted persona and it's proving to be a slog. Writing the male voice has always been a touch more difficult than the female, especially when it comes to writing 'bro talk'.

Well, 'bro talk' when it applies to writing that one male character I like who's supposed to be effortless at interacting with other male characters I couldn't care less about. Oh, and these other male characters are just scene fillers and not at all part of the original canon.

Oh the bitter, bitter tang of helplessness... 

Drum-roll please

Following up from last post:

Give me a fandom (or more than one)

And I will name a character…

For night_owl_9

Legend of KorraCollapse )

Ouran High School Host ClubCollapse )

For ragnarok_08

Steven UniverseCollapse )

For tellshannon815

Buffy the Vampire SlayerCollapse )

For meteordust

TekkenCollapse )

And to kick things off

Let's have a meme!

Nabbed from ragnarok_08:

Give me a fandom (or more than one)

And I will name a character…

Who I will protect at all costs:
Who deserves better:
Who was killed off too early:
Who I used to hate but now I love:
Who I used to love but now I hate:
Who needs to be killed off asap:
Who is unfairly hated:
Who is unfairly loved:
Who needs to sort out their priorities:
Who needs a hug:
Who needs to get out of their current relationship:
Who the writers love:
Who needs a better storyline:
Who has an amazing redemption arc:
Who is hot af:
Who belongs in jail:
Who needs to be revived from the dead:

Pick from: Tekken, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Legend of Korra, NANA, Star Wars, Slam Dunk, Sailor Moon, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Ouran High School Host Club, Attack on Titan, Fruits Basket, Steven Universe, Haikyuu!!, Kuroko no Basuke, Harry Potter

Look who's back

Heh. I can explain:

- 3 weeks ago, I - well, my parents and I - moved house.

- 2 weeks ago, I was back in Sri Lanka for a brief vacation. It's monsoon season and still thundering away last time I checked. We had the worst floods the country's ever experienced in about 30 years. Any and all donations towards aid is appreciated:



- And as of yesterday, Ramadan Kareem to any Muslim readers out there!

Charting Adrift

- I went ahead and booked my waxing appointment - no further than my limbs - because it's approaching summer and silky smooth skin feels so good against cotton sheets when I'm sleeping in.

- A month ago, an old school-mate and still current Facebook friend of mine got married. Before the wedding, she'd sent out her invites as Facebook RSVPs, which I felt too awkward to accept. Not so much on the general personal social awkwardness on my part than the sense of disingenuous that comes with maintaining a ghost of a relationship, compounded by the awkwardness of Facebook in general. I know that a fair lot of our mutual friends did RSVP, but I'm not sure that they actually attended.

- Facebook. Is. Awkward. The only reason I'm keeping my account up is that it is convenient for sending a quick message or birthday greeting.

- With a few exceptions, my personal relationships outside of my inner circle seem to be... not 'disintegrating' per se, but it's like looking right through a person. Just devolving into other people on tangentially different orbits, getting further and further away. It doesn't break my heart by any means, but it makes me wonder if the rest of my life is going to play out the same way.

- It's like I was built for solitude. But while I don't mind being alone, I feel like there's only so far I can drift before I find myself waking up and finding nothing but sea around me. If there's anything I don't want to push my limits against, it just might be that. 

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